I'm not ready...

Here lately things have been coming to me... one after the other. I've began to realize something. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to begin all over anew. I fear this will take a really long time, but with God... anything is possible. I know this is going to sound strange to some but not to others..... BUT... I've gotten to a point where God is constantly on my mind. I'm always aware of him... I'm always thinking about how great He is and then I find myself just completely relying on Him to make a way for me to work things out.

I just joined this special prayer group at my church and some of the things my pastor told me that I would face if I joined.... literally scare the mess out of me. I'm going to do it anyway. I'm tired of always being afraid. I want to start living my life without fear of the devil trying to ruin everything. I know that's what he does... but... no one truly understands how great my fear is. This is why... I joined this group. To overcome my flaw and to be a fervent intercessor. I want to stand in the gap for someone's need. I want to cry out to God late in the night for them. I want to help them. I want to give to them whever I can!

I want to be sold out completely to God. My pastor made an interesting point this past week in a sermon he preached called, "Climbing the mountain to absolute surrender". It was about Abraham and Isaac and how when God spoke the words "I want your son as a sacrafice"... Abaraham just said... ok God he's yours. He didn't have to think about it. He didn't wait a few days and say ok God... i think I can do this. Abraham was totally surrendered to God... even if it meant giving up the thing he cared for the most in this world. His most prized posession.

I want to be there... I want to be like Abraham was... where NOTHING in this world matter but being sold out to God. I'm getting there... I can feel it. If I can just conquer this spirit of fear that I'm battling.. then I know I can do it. I want to be COMPLETE in Him. And with a little more help from him.. I can be.

THank you Lord for this day... and for everything that you are doing in my life. I love you so much. I can do all things through you, Lord... and I know you can take me through this trial that I'm facing!