I go to church with no purpose. Does that make sense at all? Sure I sing, I help with music, sunday school, etc. But, I absolutely go to church with no purpose. I am selfishly going through my life thinking about what will make me happy. How can I change the world if I can't even change myself? It's sad and disheartening to come to a self realization. It feels like an epic failure. I think about people who require so little to live their life and make it through hard times... they are soo happy. Where I am... the smallest amount of stress requires anti-depressants and massage therapy twice a week. How weak and pathetic? How materialistic have I become.
I watched a few video logs on you tube about the United Pentecostal Church. What have we come to? Why have we gotten away from the true reason we even have church? Why have I? I'm not satisfied with church "in a building". I want to have church outside of the building. How can I make this happen? How can I be more? I hate that I have allowed myself to be happy with life in mediocrity.
I'm craving something more than what I already have. Deeper.
I am no longer happy with who I am or what I am.
I no longer want to group myself with stereotypical pentecostals. I have no desire to even want to be part of anything other than the body of Christ.
Who am I to say who has a walk with God or what religion is the right one? God is the ultimate judge and I love Him. I want to prove myself to Him more than I ever have. I want to be pleasing. I want to do what is most pleasing in His sight.
I do not care what the church or the world says about me. As long as I am in heaven.
That is it.
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