Wow it seems like everytime I start feeling better about myself... I get knocked down again.
I talked to a really old friend tonight... I pretty much broke his heart. I really liked him alot.. but I was stupid and made a lot of mistakes in that relationship. Anyways...
We were talking tonight... and reminiscing over the past relationship that we had. I wanted to cry after I realized what I had done to him. I know that sorry will never ever make things right. I wish I could make things better for him... but anyways
During the period of mine and his time apart I've made a lot of mistakes.(and he knows about them)... He told me tonight while we were "reminiscing" that he views me/our past relationship as.... this:
You walk into a candy shop and there are a hundred different types of flavors of suckers. AND there are like all kinds of guys in there picking out their FAVORITE kind? Well you walk in there with and you see the ONE sucker you really want. You are goign to give everything you've saved for it... and right when you go to get it... a nother guy comes along and takes the sucker before you can get it. He takes the wrapper off and licks all over it. Then another guy grabs it right quick and takes a bite out of it... then he just throws it on the ground. Then he turns to you and says, "You can still have it... if you want to buy it".
Then he was like yeah... a half eaten sucker. Then he didn't say anything else about it. But... it makes me so sad to think about. Because yeah... I've screwed up a lot. A WHOLE LOT and the thought crosses my mind... "yeah... who's going to want you?".
Atleast God wants me... right? He died for my sins. ATleast God loves me enough to say... "Hey, I still want you... I still love you... I still think you are worth everything I have to offer"
I know God has someone for me... and I know that God has someone who will love me no matter what my past mistakes have been.
