Renewed.... Refreshed... Restored... Revived... Resurrected.
All these words have one thing in common...
Starting Over
The feeling of starting over... I can't describe. It's a great feeling, the only issue is.. your past. I seem to be the world's worst about past issues. I nurse my mistakes and constantly remind myself of all my failures in life. (As if people in my life don't already do that for me... ) I feel like I'm the hardest on myself out anyone, but I like starting over.
At the bottom... seems to be the worst place in the world to be. Right now... the bottom is where I want to be. I need God to start over in my life. I need to be with my family where there is love and encouragment. If I do something wrong or fail at something.. there isn't chastisement... it's simply - "Get up.. and try again - we're here for you"
Even after they know almost everything I've gone through - They're still there for me.
The last 7 months... man... flew by. 6 months ago everything was smooth sailing... 2 weeks ago.. it slipped through my fingers like sand.
I guess I should tell everyone.. out of mutual agreement I no longer work for the family in Redondo Beach, Ca. I moved to bakersfield to be with my family and I'm currently looking for a job here.
For those who know my condition - It's pathetic. The state that I'm in... I need prayer; most of all... I need a Resurrection in God.
My numbers don't work right now.. due to the fact I dont have a job... no money to pay the bill. However - Hopefully I will soon get the money to have that done and I will call and update everyone.
For now - I need everyone's prayers. I need healing in my life.
"Wow.. God ... I just don't know what to say to you. Why do you love me? A failure... a constant disappointment in your life. I'm quite possibly the worst disappointment of them all. Why do you bless me with talent? I don't deserve it. I can't seem to keep things in my spiritual life in order long enough to do any real work for you. That's all I ever wanted to do; do a work for you and be around people who love/care about me. I'm sorry I let them change me... If you give me strength and wisdom I will work very hard to never let that effect me again."
