What to say... .?

God,

I just want to say thank you so much. I just want to say how much I love you. When I was embarrassed and ashamed to say that I love you... I'm sorry. When I couldn't stand up for what I believed in and let the world take me down a different road... I'm sorry. When I let petty things come in between me and my work for you, Lord... I'm sorry. I'm soooo thankful that you kept me this year. I'm soo thankful that at the end of the day I know that you are going to continue keeping me.

God... you were there for me when I was at my lowest point. You showed me that you ARE God. You showed me what a little faith and trust can do. You taught me... that even the world leaves you hurting and longing for more.

"Sometimes I think I'm in control... and I act so foolishly. Facing problems on my own.. Lord I don't know what's best for me."

When I was too unworthy to come to you... You came to me. When all my friends were gone... you showed me I was not alone. You love me for who I am... not who I can be. You think I'm already perfect... not disformed. You show me, you teach me, you love me, you lead me, you comfort me, you provide for me, you hide me, and you walk with me.

This year I have not been on my best behavior. This year... I've done what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted, and where ever I wanted. But, God... I wasn't happy. I wasn't satisfied. I learned this year... that @ the end of it all... only YOU can satisfy my soul. It's only you, Lord.



It's not mine.... It's only you.

Thank you so much... for breaking down my walls of bitterness and anger. Thank you for teaching me to open my heart again. It's been so hard. I know I will never be who I once was... but I'd like to be someone new. A mighty woman of valor. A true lady. A true Woman of God. I don't need anyone's acceptance... but Your's. You're my king... my prince... my love and my friend.

I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life... being with you.

Moving Forward

... This song is an exact replica of where I am right now. Everything in my life... everything that I've done... been a part of... taken part of.. is gone. It's just me... moving forward.

God is really just .... wow. A lot of things I've done and been through I never thought I would actually... do them. It took everything I had in me... to turn away from those things. I realize just exactly how hard it is to do the right thing... but if you are desperate for God -- you'll do what every it takes to move forward.


I'm not going back
I'm moving ahead
I'm here to declare
In You old things are made new
Surrender my life to Christ
I'm moving moving forward

What a moment
You have brought me to
Such a freedom
I have found in You
What a Healer

You make all things new
Yeah Yeah Yeah

You have risen
With all power in Your Hands
You have given me
A second Chance
Hallelujah Hallelujah

Yeah Yeah Yeah
Yeah Yeah Yeah

You maka all things new
You make all things new
I will follow You forward

Renewed..

Renewed.... Refreshed... Restored... Revived... Resurrected.

All these words have one thing in common...



Starting Over

The feeling of starting over... I can't describe. It's a great feeling, the only issue is.. your past. I seem to be the world's worst about past issues. I nurse my mistakes and constantly remind myself of all my failures in life. (As if people in my life don't already do that for me... ) I feel like I'm the hardest on myself out anyone, but I like starting over.

At the bottom... seems to be the worst place in the world to be. Right now... the bottom is where I want to be. I need God to start over in my life. I need to be with my family where there is love and encouragment. If I do something wrong or fail at something.. there isn't chastisement... it's simply - "Get up.. and try again - we're here for you"

Even after they know almost everything I've gone through - They're still there for me.

The last 7 months... man... flew by. 6 months ago everything was smooth sailing... 2 weeks ago.. it slipped through my fingers like sand.

I guess I should tell everyone.. out of mutual agreement I no longer work for the family in Redondo Beach, Ca. I moved to bakersfield to be with my family and I'm currently looking for a job here.

For those who know my condition - It's pathetic. The state that I'm in... I need prayer; most of all... I need a Resurrection in God.

My numbers don't work right now.. due to the fact I dont have a job... no money to pay the bill. However - Hopefully I will soon get the money to have that done and I will call and update everyone.

For now - I need everyone's prayers. I need healing in my life.





"Wow.. God ... I just don't know what to say to you. Why do you love me? A failure... a constant disappointment in your life. I'm quite possibly the worst disappointment of them all. Why do you bless me with talent? I don't deserve it. I can't seem to keep things in my spiritual life in order long enough to do any real work for you. That's all I ever wanted to do; do a work for you and be around people who love/care about me. I'm sorry I let them change me... If you give me strength and wisdom I will work very hard to never let that effect me again."

I'm in need of Resurrection

I'm at a loss for words, there's nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Where did the passion go?

When all my efforts seem like chasing wind
I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
I've lost the feeling and I'm numb to the core
I can't fake it anymore.

Here I am at the end I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

You speak and all creation falls to its knees
You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea
You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering

Here I am once again I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

You have a way of turning winter to spring
Make something beautiful out of all this suffering

-Nicole Sponberg