I'm not ready...

Here lately things have been coming to me... one after the other. I've began to realize something. I'm not ready. I'm not ready to begin all over anew. I fear this will take a really long time, but with God... anything is possible. I know this is going to sound strange to some but not to others..... BUT... I've gotten to a point where God is constantly on my mind. I'm always aware of him... I'm always thinking about how great He is and then I find myself just completely relying on Him to make a way for me to work things out.

I just joined this special prayer group at my church and some of the things my pastor told me that I would face if I joined.... literally scare the mess out of me. I'm going to do it anyway. I'm tired of always being afraid. I want to start living my life without fear of the devil trying to ruin everything. I know that's what he does... but... no one truly understands how great my fear is. This is why... I joined this group. To overcome my flaw and to be a fervent intercessor. I want to stand in the gap for someone's need. I want to cry out to God late in the night for them. I want to help them. I want to give to them whever I can!

I want to be sold out completely to God. My pastor made an interesting point this past week in a sermon he preached called, "Climbing the mountain to absolute surrender". It was about Abraham and Isaac and how when God spoke the words "I want your son as a sacrafice"... Abaraham just said... ok God he's yours. He didn't have to think about it. He didn't wait a few days and say ok God... i think I can do this. Abraham was totally surrendered to God... even if it meant giving up the thing he cared for the most in this world. His most prized posession.

I want to be there... I want to be like Abraham was... where NOTHING in this world matter but being sold out to God. I'm getting there... I can feel it. If I can just conquer this spirit of fear that I'm battling.. then I know I can do it. I want to be COMPLETE in Him. And with a little more help from him.. I can be.

THank you Lord for this day... and for everything that you are doing in my life. I love you so much. I can do all things through you, Lord... and I know you can take me through this trial that I'm facing!

The More I Seek You

God this is my prayer... I'm so inlove with you Lord. You are the love of my life... my greatest treasure. My ultimate best friend... My Everything. My every Love...

The more I seek you.... the more I find you...

The more I find you.... the more I love you....

I wanna sit at your feet.

drink from the cup in your hand

Lay back against you and breath

Feel your heart beat... this love is so deep

it's more than I can stand...

I melt in your peace... it's overwhelming...